Anecdotes about Cyclists – One
Two Nerds on a Tandem
Two nerds are riding along on a tandem bicycle when, suddenly, the one on the front slams on the brakes, gets off, and starts letting air out of the tires.
The one on the back says: “HEY! What are you doing that for?!”
The first nerd says, “My seat was too high and was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit.”
So the one in the back has had enough. He jumps off, loosens his own seat and spins it round to face the other direction.
Now it’s the first guy’s turn to wonder what’s going on. “What are you doing?” he asks his friend.
“Look, mate,” says the rider in the back, “if you're going to do stupid stuff like that, I'm going home!!”
Anecdotes about Cyclists – Two
Problem Dog
“I've really had it with my dog,” says a guy to his neighbor. “He'll chase anyone on a bicycle.”
“Hmmm, that is a problem,” said the neighbor. “What are you thinking of doing about it?”
“Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!”
Anecdotes about Cyclists – Three
The Pedestrian and the Cyclist
A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.
“You were really lucky there,” said the cyclist.
“What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!” said the pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.
The cyclist replied, “Well, usually I drive a bus!”
Anecdotes about Cyclists – Four
Cyclist in Heaven
A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate. The first thing the cyclist asks is if there are bicycles in heaven.
“Sure,” says St. Peter, “let me show you,” and he leads the guy into the finest Velodrome you can imagine.
“This is great,” the cyclist says.
“It certainly is,” says St. Peter. “You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal masseuse will always be available.”
As they speak, a blur streaks by them on the boards, riding a gold-plated bike.
“Wow!” the cyclist exclaims. “That guy was so fast that can only be Mark Cavendish!”
“No,” says St. Peter, “that was God on the bike. He only thinks he's Mark Cavendish.”
Anecdotes about Cyclists – Five
Spousal Tandem
A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.
“What've I done, officer?” asks the rider.
“Perhaps you didn't notice, sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . .”
“Oh, thank God for that,” says the rider – “I thought I'd gone deaf!”