Problem at the zoo
Someone mistakenly left the cages open in the Reptile House at the zoo and there were snakes slithering all over the place.
Frantically, the keeper tried everything, but he couldn't get the slippery animals back into their cages. Finally, he yelled, “Quick, call a lawyer!”
“A lawyer? Why”
“We need someone who speaks their language.”
Lawyer and Engineer
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean when they got to talking. The lawyer mentioned, “I'm here because my house burned down and everything got destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.”
“That's quite a coincidence,” remarked the engineer. “I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood. My insurance company, too, paid for everything.”
There was a brief pause, and hen the puzzled lawyer asked, “How do you start a flood?”
Two Boys’ Fathers
Having just moved to a new home, a young boy meets the boy next door. “Hi, my name is Billy,” he says, “what's yours?”
“Tommy,” replied the other.
“My daddy'’ an accountant,” says Billy. “What does your daddy do?”
"He's a lawyer," Tommy answers.
“Honest?” says Billy.
“No, just the regular kind.”
Guess Who
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, “I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”
“But why?” asks the man.
“I'm a divorce lawyer,” the man replies.
In a rural area a farmer was tending to his horse named Buddy, and along came a stranger who desperately needed the farmer's help. The stranger had lost control of his vehicle and ran it off into a ditch. The stranger asked the farmer if his horse could somehow pull the vehicle out of the ditch for him and told the farmer that the vehicle was small. The farmer said he would come, bring his horse, and take a look, but could not promise he could help if his horse might be injured in some way from attempting to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer did see that the stranger was correct and that the vehicle was small, so the farmer took a rope and fixed it so that his horse, Buddy, would be able to pull the vehicle out of the ditch. The farmer then said, “Pull, Casey, Pull,” but the horse would not budge. The farmer then said, “Pull, Bailey, Pull,” but the horse would not budge again. The farmer then said, “Pull, Mandy, Pull,” and again the horse would not move. The farmer then said, “Pull, Buddy, Pull,” and the horse pulled until the vehicle was out of the ditch. The stranger was so very grateful, but asked the farmer why he called the horse by different names? The farmer said, “Buddy is blind, and I had to make him think he had help pulling the car out of the ditch or he would not have pulled.”
Lesson: don't wait on others in order to accomplish something or you may always be in a ditch. Sometimes we won't attempt to do something if we know we don’t have help.
A child and his father were visiting an elderly neighbor. They were raking the neighbor’s leaves, organizing the neighbor’s garage, putting the trash out, and performing other small jobs around the neighbor’s house. The child had not really seen the elderly neighbor up close, but on this day the child was going to meet the neighbor up close for the first time. When the child met the neighbor up close he asked the neighbor how old he was, and the father was flabbergasted by his child’s question and attempted to apologize to the neighbor, but the neighbor laughed and said that was ok, the child is curious. The elderly neighbor told the child he was 92 years old. The child had a look of unbelief and asked the neighbor, “Did you start at the number one?”
Lesson: Actually, everybody starts before the number one.
One day two frogs were hopping in and out of a watering hole and accidentally hopped in an extremely deep hole. They tried to leap out, but to no avail had no success, so they began to yell and croak until other frogs heard them and came to help. The other frogs looked over into the hole and said the hole was too deep for them to help, but both frogs kept leaping up the sides of the hole. The other frogs, leaning over the hole and waving their front legs, began to yell to the frogs to just give up and die and that there was no hope of them getting out of the hole, but both frogs kept leaping and trying to get out of the hole. They leaped for hours and one of the frogs just gave up he was so exhausted and died. The other frog in the hole kept leaping, but the other frogs, leaning over the hole, kept yelling and waving their front legs for him to stop and give up, but the frog kept leaping trying to get out of the hole. Finally, the frog leaped so high that he was able to leap to the top of the hole and used his back legs to push himself up out of the hole. The other frogs said even though we told you to give up that there was no hope of you getting out of the hole you kept leaping. The frog that got out of the hole thanked the other frogs for egging him on - the other frogs didn’t know that this frog was deaf.
Lesson: Sometimes you have to turn a “deaf ear” to what others tell you is impossible.
A mother was seeing her 8-year-old son off to school one morning. She walked him to the bus stop where they waited patiently; the bus came and her son got on the school bus. The mother proceeded to go home so she could get ready to go to work. About 15 minutes later the doorbell rang and it was her son at the front door. She was shocked to see him since she just got him on the school bus, then she noticed the school bus with its door open, in front of her house. The mother asked her son, “What are you doing back home?” Her 8-year-old son said, “I’m quitting school, it's too hard, it’s too boring, and it’s too long.” The mother looked at him and said, “That's life, now get back on the bus.”
Lesson: Experiences of life touch all no matter how young or how old.