Barbara Hebert – USA
Compassion for the personality is something that is rarely discussed in theosophical circles. As seekers on the spiritual path, the personality is typically ignored because of its temporality, yet the personality is the vehicle for traveling this path. It plays an essential role in our spiritual growth. We discuss compassion for all living beings, yet we are rarely compassionate with ourselves. It may be helpful to explore the concept of self-compassion, compassion for the vehicle through which we walk the spiritual path. It is useful to note that self-compassion does not preclude our constant self-examination and effort to walk this path; rather, self-compassion supports our efforts as we undertake this difficult task.
The discussion of self-compassion begins with the topic of authenticity. Authenticity has several meanings, but for this exploration we define it as being honest, real, and genuine. A person who is authentic is true to himself or herself. In other words, an authentic individual is congruent in beliefs and actions. There is no pretending or hiding in order to make others (or ourselves!) feel comfortable. Authentic individuals take responsibility for their mistakes, recognizing that they are not perfect, and they don’t pretend to be. In other words, with a person who is authentic, what you see is what you get! It is very important to note that this does not mean that a person who is authentic bares everything, tells and exhibits all.
Brené Brown is an American professor, social worker, author, and podcast host. Brown is known for her work on shame, vulnerability, and leadership, and for her widely viewed 2010 TEDx talk
We may wonder what authenticity has to do with self-compassion. The words of Brené Brown clarify this for us. She writes:
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are. Choosing authenticity means cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable; exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.
When we pretend to be something we are not, we are wearing a mask. We are hiding the personality and its struggles and thus are not being compassionate with ourselves. In many respects, we wear a mask when we feel that we aren’t enough, as Brene Brown says. We wear masks so that others don’t see who we really are: imperfect individuals who often struggle to walk the spiritual path. We may wear a mask that implies we are strong meditators or deeply spiritual individuals, and so on. When we wear a mask, we are judging ourselves harshly rather than being compassionate with ourselves.
It takes a great deal of courage to be authentic, to let go of the mask, to let go of the way we think we are supposed to be. When we allow our personalities to be seen without any pretenses, without a mask, we act in accordance with the physical human experience summed up by Brown’s comment that “we are all made of strength and struggle.” This is a very apt description of walking the spiritual path: we have the strength of the higher self, and we have the struggles inherent in the personality. The struggles of the personality provide us with the opportunity to learn and grow as spiritual beings.
Diana Dunningham-Chapotin is a New Zealander by birth, an American by adoption, and a Francaise by residence (as she likes to be near her husband). Fore many years she headed the Theosophical Order of Service (TOS) as its International Secretary and she lectured the world over
The decision to walk the path is what Diana Dunningham Chapotin calls “perhaps the bravest and most radical step we can take….” She says that we must be …
… willing to face our own doubts, needs, and resistances—the inner barriers to the expression of our caring instincts. We need to own up to feelings of guilt, anxiety, discomfort, disappointment, and vulnerability. We also have to be willing to look for the deeper fears behind these spontaneous reactions: fears of loss of control, of being overwhelmed, of having our heart broken, and ultimately of extinction.
Often, we don’t want to face our doubts, needs, and resistances that stem from the personality, and we certainly don’t want others to see them. Therefore, we may find ourselves wearing a mask, avoiding authenticity, and lacking in self-compassion.
Thích Nhất Hạnh was a Vietnamese Thiền Buddhist monk, peace activist, prolific author, poet and teacher
Thich Nhat Hanh says “No one is more worthy of your kindness and compassion than you are.” Thus, as we move toward self-compassion and authenticity, we must also move toward the belief that our personalities are worthy of kindness and compassion.
Our life in the physical world has often been referred to as a classroom. If we use this analogy, we can consider the fact that every student in the classroom is unique. Each student learns differently and at a different pace. When we look at the work that happens in the classroom, we realize that no one makes 100% on every test or on every assignment. There is no perfection. As adults looking at students in a classroom, do we get upset because someone has failed a test or has done poorly on an assignment? Hopefully not. Hopefully we realize that the student failed or did poorly because he/she has not yet grasped the material and needs additional work in a particular area. Needing additional work in a particular area doesn’t make the student less valuable or acceptable, less worthy of our compassion!
Many years ago as a high school teacher, I worked with a student who was very difficult. He refused to do any of the assigned classwork. He would either fall asleep in class or cause disruptions that kept other students from completing their work. One day, I took him outside of the classroom to talk with him about his unacceptable behaviors. After some discussion, he finally admitted that he could barely read and had tremendous difficulty writing. The assignment to write a five-paragraph essay was beyond his abilities. He was hiding his embarrassment and shame through either sleeping or acting out behaviors: he was hiding behind masks of indifference and anger.
How do we feel about him? Our hearts reach out to him, don’t they? We have compassion for his behaviors and understand what may be seen as his failures. And, we cheer for him when he eventually learns to write a three sentence paragraph.
Can we see ourselves like this? Can we recognize that we are as important and as valuable and as worthy of compassion as every other being, even when we make mistakes: when we fail a test or do poorly on an assignment, so to speak. Can we recognize that we simply need to do more work in a specific area.
Back to Brené Brown who says “To be authentic, we must cultivate the courage to be imperfect—and vulnerable. We have to believe that we are fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance, just as we are.”
Believing that the personality is fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance is part of our work on the spiritual path, part of our work in the kama manasic field of consciousness. Most of us have an inner critic that stems from the personality. It says things to us that diminish our sense of self-worth, that tell us we are not loveable, that we are not spiritual, and so on. These thoughts, as we know, are conditioned from the world in which we live. For instance, if we grew up in a household that tended to be critical, we bring those critical thoughts with us. We see ourselves and the world around us through the lens of “I’m not enough…,” or “I should…,” etc. The emotions jump into the debilitating depths of these thoughts. We put on a mask so that others don’t see our unworthiness, our unloveableness. The kama manas is in control. From our studies, we know that the statements of the inner critic and the accompanying feelings are in direct opposition to the Reality of our situation. The teachings of Theosophy tell us that we are sparks of the divine, manifested in physical form and participating in a physical classroom to learn.
Self-compassion is accepting ourselves as imperfect beings who are doing our best to walk the spiritual path, knowing that it is filled with obstacles that are likely to cause us to trip and sometimes fall. Theosophical teachings tell us that no matter how many times we stumble on the path, we will eventually reach our destination. It is a teaching of hope. Being honest with ourselves about our doubts, needs, and resistances, allowing ourselves to be seen as imperfect is being compassionate with ourselves. This self-compassion supports our efforts to regain our balance after we stumble and continue the most important journey in manifestation.
Self-compassion is not excusing our imperfections, but rather it is accepting and loving the personality with all of its imperfections. When we are compassionate with ourselves, then we are compassionate with all beings.
References
Brown, Brené. (2022). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden Publishing.
Dunningham-Chapotin, Diana. (2002). "An Infinity Within to Give." Quest January-February.
Hanh, Thich Nhat. (2004). Creating True Peace: Ending Violence in Yourself, Your Family, our Community, and the World. Simon and Schuster.